Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
being pregnant is like rehab
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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