Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
