Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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