Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
