I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
