Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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