Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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