I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
