Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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