one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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