Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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