It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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