ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
