even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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