Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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