nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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