We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
