don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
should my penis look like a turkey
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
