My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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