Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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