So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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