yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
