Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
