She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
