Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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