I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
