Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
