I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
