We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
