Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
