she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
