I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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