i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
