Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
