sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
