thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
