Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
