Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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