By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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