I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
