i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
