puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
