Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
