he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
