Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
