I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
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He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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