No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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