Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
