You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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