I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
