Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
