so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Drunk is a universal language darling
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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