he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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