You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
