I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Someone signed my nipple.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
