my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just invented taco cereal.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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