But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
