oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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