hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
