hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
