your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you traded sex for a burrito?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
