I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
