Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sext me about skeletons
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
