I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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