We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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