Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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