We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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