I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
