LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
