He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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