so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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