Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
