Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
me + whiskey = a bad person
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
