What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
