Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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