Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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