I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
