I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize