This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
