the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
