two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
